My 3 moods:
I’m too old for this shit.
I’m too tired for this shit.
I’m too sober for this shit.
Month: May 2014
Phishing scams
Don’t ever do it. Ever. Just… no.
[recipe] Beef Wellington
A good beef fillet (preferably Aberdeen Angus) of around 1kg
3 tbsp olive oil
250g chestnut mushroom, include some wild ones if you like
50g butter
1 large sprig fresh thyme
100ml oz dry white wine
12 slices prosciutto
500g pack puff pastry, thawed if frozen
a little flour, for dusting
2 egg yolks beaten with 1 tsp water
Dijon mustard
1. Heat oven to 200C/fan 180C/gas 7. Pan sear the beef in olive oil to give it some colour. Season with salt and pepper. Transfer to the oven and roast for 15 mins for medium-rare or 20 mins for medium. When the beef is cooked to your liking, remove from the oven to cool, then chill in the fridge for about 20 mins.
2. While the beef is cooling, chop 250g chestnut (and wild, if you like) mushrooms as finely as possible so they have the texture of coarse breadcrumbs. You can use a food processor to do this, but make sure you pulse-chop the mushrooms so they don’t become a slurry.
3. Heat 2 tbsp of the olive oil and 50g butter in a large pan and fry the mushrooms on a medium heat, with 1 large sprig fresh thyme, for about 10 mins stirring often, until you have a softened mixture. Season the mushroom mixture, pour over 100ml dry white wine and cook for about 10 mins until all the wine has been absorbed. The mixture should hold its shape when stirred. Remove the mushroom duxelle from the pan to cool and discard the thyme.
4. Overlap two pieces of cling film over a large chopping board. Lay 12 slices prosciutto on the cling film, slightly overlapping, in a double row. Spread half the duxelles over the prosciutto, then sit the fillet on it. Brush Dijon mustard on the beef filet with a pastry brush and spread the remaining duxelles over. Use the cling film’s edges to draw the prosciutto around the fillet, then roll it into a sausage shape, twisting the ends of cling film to tighten it as you go. Chill the fillet while you roll out the pastry.
5. Dust your work surface with a little flour. Roll out a third of the 500g pack of puff pastry to a 18 x 30cm strip and place on a non-stick baking sheet. Roll out the remainder of the 500g pack of puff pastry to about 28 x 36cm. Unravel the fillet from the cling film and sit it in the centre of the smaller strip of pastry. Beat the 2 egg yolks with 1 tsp water and brush the pastry’s edges, and the top and sides of the wrapped fillet. Using a rolling pin, carefully lift and drape the larger piece of pastry over the fillet, pressing well into the sides. Trim the joins to about a 4cm rim. Seal the rim with the edge of a fork or spoon handle. Glaze all over with more egg yolk and, using the back of a knife, mark the beef Wellington with long diagonal lines taking care not to cut into the pastry. Chill for at least 30 mins and up to 24 hrs.
Heat oven to 200C/fan 180C/gas 6. Brush the Wellington with a little more egg yolk and cook until golden and crisp – 20-25 mins for medium-rare beef, 30 mins for medium. Allow to stand for 10 mins before serving in thick slices.
Alternatives: You can replace the prosciutto with a generous slathering of paté. You can also mix in some Boursin cheese with the mushroom duxelle.
10 Fabulous German words that have no English equivalent
1) Weltschmerz (n.): mental depression or apathy caused by comparison of the actual state of the world with an ideal state
They say that the grass is greener on the other side, but it’s that kind of mindset that causes the grass on your side of the picket fence to look gray and infested with earwigs. Which is to say, comparing a perfect situation to the real life scenario is bound to land you with severe case of weltschmerz, a word used to describe the disappointment you feel after watching the inevitable destruction of your unrealistic expectations.
2) Kummerspeck (n.): excess weight gained from emotional overeating
One can always count on the Germans to be literal and they do not disappoint with kummerspeck, the exact translation of this phrase being “grief bacon.” As in, “I bombed that test on vegetarianism so badly, I need some bacon to cure my grief.” Other possible food substitutes include candy, ice cream, tubs of cookie dough, bathtubs of cookie dough, and carrots, for all you “healthy” stress eaters that put the rest of us to shame.
3) Torschlusspanik (n.): the fear, usually as one gets older, that time is running out and important opportunities are slipping away
Picture this: you’re 26 years old. You’re living with your parents and struggling to maintain the underpaid assistant job, meanwhile, your best friends are landing CEO positions and securing future husbands. Nothing is happening according to the 5-year plan that you made during your senior year of college, and you can’t help shake the feeling that someone accidentally clicked “fast forward” on your life. That particular type of desperation is known as torschlusspanik, meaning “fear of the gate closing.”
4) Fremdschämen (n.): the almost-horror you feel when you notice that somebody is oblivious to how embarrassing they truly are
The only thing worse than being in an embarrassing situation is watching someone enter an embarrassing situation and being powerless to stop it. Grandparents and sitcom characters are usually the worst offenders of obliviousness and the most likely to evoke fremdschamen, or the cathartic sense of pain you feel witnessing another person make a fool of themselves.
5) Backpfeifengesicht (n.): a face that cries out for a fist in it
Rather than try to explain what backpfeifengesicht means, I’ll instead provide a list of people that might possess a face that’s just asking to be punched:
– Teenagers who complain about “terrible” Christmas gifts they got, like cars.
– People who tattoo their significant other’s name across their face, or anywhere.
– Whoever started the “felfie” trend.
– People who eat hamburgers with a fork and knife.
6) Erklärungsnot (n.): the state of having to quickly explain yourself
Erklarungsnot refers to the exact moment you are caught with your hand in the cookie jar and forced to explain yourself with only a split second to think. Unless you’re a good liar, the results of erklarungsnot are usually unbelievable and silly, like “my dog ate my homework” or “I didn’t know streaking through the grocery store was illegal!”
7) Treppenwitz (n.): the things you should have said but only occur to you when it is too late
Also known as, every comeback you’ve ever had that only came to you 20 minutes after the other person walked away. The Germans have a word for that, treppenwitz, and it perfectly describes my existence.
8) Vergangenheitsbewaeltigung (n.): the struggle to come to terms with the past
Listen… you can’t take back that one time you sneezed all over your crush or got catfished by a 12-year-old boy on the Internet. What makes the past so special is that it cannot be changed. The Germans know this concept so well that they made a whole new word for it, one that I will not type out again because it might take me a year or two.
9) Handschuhschneeballwerfer (n.): a coward willing to criticize and abuse from a safe distance
The literal translation of this word might provide some more perspective: a person who wears gloves to throw snowballs. No? It doesn’t? Well, that’s a shame. As far as I know, this term is meant to describe someone who chooses to talk behind someone’s back instead of to their face.
10) Allgemeinbildung (n.): everything that any adult capable of living independently can reasonably be expected to know
There is technically a phrase for this in English, “common sense,” but allgemeinbildung turns it into one word and gives you another excuse to speak German.
Book hangover
I like it. I’ll have to remember that one :)
This applies to the cats, and to the child
We’ve given up on the cats, but we’re still trying to get Bean to understand the concept of “need vs deserve”
An apt representation
Beachside Bean
Went on our first daddy/bean bike ride. His bike is still a bit too big for him. He’s fine once he’s off, and he’s a lot better at kicking off, but we still need to work on breaking without tipping over. Gorgeous weather though.
How would you describe the French attitude toward sex?
Maïa Mazaurette, a French sex columnist:
I can only compare it to the countries I’ve lived in — Germany, and now Denmark, and I’ve made some trips to the U.S. I’d say the main difference is that in France we’re so straightforward. We don’t have these dating rituals; we just start with sex! And then, if the sex was good enough or we feel connected somehow, then we would try to build a relationship.
So you always have sex on the first date, then?
Absolutely! But it’s not even an issue because there is no date. There is just first sex. You think someone is attractive, you give it a try. I think it really makes sense. (Of course I say that, because I’m French, right?) But if you don’t have sex first, you build up too much pressure. You start thinking, I have seen this guy for four or five restaurants, or however you do it in the U.S., and what if it fails? If you get sex out the way first, then you can only have good surprises.
I never dated an American guy, but even with Danish and German guys, there were so many dates and it was taking so much time. At some point I just felt like, Ahhh! Stop it, are you going to kiss me? Are we going to your place? My place? Do something! I felt like I was investing a lot of time in something that might not be worth it anyway.
It’s interesting to me that France is a predominantly Catholic nation, and yet the culture is so sexually free.
Yes, but we don’t connect sex with ethics or morality or values in general, you know? There have been many studies about how French people don’t care about the sex life of our president, or if a person is unfaithful. It’s absolutely not a problem for me. Now, if my boyfriend and I have an agreement, that’s important. But I actually see a lot of my friends who are a bit older than me, maybe 40 or 45, who are always renegotiating the boundaries of their relationship. And a lot of them are okay with being unfaithful, as long as you don’t say it. It’s actually quite old-fashioned, as if we’re in the Victorian era, and your husband or your wife is the person you share children, a house, and money with, but for passion or a bit of adventure, you go elsewhere. The couple is not the place for adventure. It’s the place where you want to feel safe and watch Game of Thrones.
Now that’s a job advert!
