The flight back home was fairly uneventful, except for the bit where we landed in a thunderstorm :)
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Month: August 2014
Yup, I’m home
I have been reenie-raped to within an inch of my life at 4am this morning (then spent 10 minutes pulling crap stuck to her butt fur), have tripped over and been told off by Pavel and have been ignored by Tolstoy. All is well with the world.
Thinking about my upcoming midlife crisis
I’m going to turn 40 next year. In the traditional things to do for a midlife crisis, I’ve already done the booze,
drugs and tattoos and my eyesight doesn’t allow me to have the fancy sports car or motorcycle. I already dress down for work, with cynical t-shirt and converse deck shoes. All that’s left available is getting a mistress. But that’s OK, Katy says she’s going to help me choose one.
So far, here’s what we agree on:
Mid-thirties
Redhead, long wavy hair
Green eyes
Ample, yet pert bosoms
Size 14-16, toned build
High sex drive
Must have a combination of the following:
– poor sense of humour
– average intelligence (but not thick)
– annoying laugh
Interested candidates should contact Katy for an initial screening interview :-)
A sign of the time
We were at the Fortnum & Mason shop in St-Pancras when I realised what the background muzak was. A classical string ensemble was playing Lady Gaga’s “Bad Ronance”…
Katy’s inner monologue with her feet this morning
Katy: come on, it’s time to put a shoe on you.
Foot: I hate you!
Katy: I know, but it has to be done.
Foot: I don’t want to!
Katy: they won’t be new shoes forever
Foot: I hate you more!!
A solution to the middle east crisis
As a follow up to bacon making the Danes happy, Katy and I have come to the conclusion that bacon makes everybody happy, and as such, people who do not eat bacon are fundamentally unhappy. Ergo, conflict between Jews and Muslims.
Prove me wrong!
Bill Bailey
I came out of the airport in Denmark and there was a sign saying “welcome to the happiest country on earth” and I wondered, why are the Danes so happy…
[Katy heckles:] BACON!
… and the crowd goes wild.
When he misunderstood another heckle with “kick the table”, he went on a 5 minute rant about how that was the most existentialist heckle he’d ever had. There is no table on this stage, and he would I want to kick it?!? The only place it would make sense to say that is when you’re about to cheat a championship Jenga!
Gaucho Piccadilly – good steak, great service
Katy and I went to have dinner at Gaucho, an Argentinian steak house. When he wine list come over, I knew I wanted a Malbec. Unfortunately, they had 250 of them. Pro tip when you’re overwhelmed by a wine list: don’t be afraid to ask for advice. I told the lovely wine lady that we wanted something full bodied, spicy but not too tannic within a given price range. Lo and behold, she came back with a few sampler glasses and we ended up with a perfectly lovely bottle of wine (our third for the evening, but that’s another story). Too many people either go for the extremes (cheapest, or most expensive if they want to impress – which is a losing proposition when there are bottles for several hundreds of pounds on th menu) or stick to names/vintages they know. This way, you can get something you like, for a reasonable price,
Katy quotes :
I’m a bit tipsy. I can’t feel my face anymore.
Oh look, it’s Ganesh. Oh, hello wall. Oh, look, bright lights.
Look. This is me pretending to be sober. Am I pulling it off? Me: No.
In Fortnum & Mason : it’s a shame that they don’t have live lobsters anymore. I should give them a piece of my mind.
Look! It’s vodka! Made from apples! We must get some!
At the hung, drawn and quartered pub
Something that made me smile
Judging by the look on the cats face, one can only think something along the lines of “get my agent on the phone!!”