This is what my brilliant, talented, wifey has done. Congrats to her!
Day: November 7, 2014
Cows and capitalism
SOCIALISM; You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM:You have 2 cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
DEMOCRACY: You have 2 cows. Your neighbor has none. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay for the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
AMERICAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with tax breaks for five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Luxembourg company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the press release. You force the least paid to produce the milk of all your herd. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead. The public buys your bull.
FRENCH CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A GERMAN CAPITALISM; You have 2 cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
A JAPANESE CAPITALISM; You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are 1/10 the size of an ordinary cow, and produce the milk of 20 cows. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called cowkimon and market them worldwide.
ITALIAN CAPITALISM; You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
SWISS CAPITALISM; You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
CHINESE CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
RUSSIAN CAPITALISM; You have 2 cows. You count them and learn that you have 5 cows. You count them again and learn that you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn that you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of Vodka.
INDIAN CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You worship them.
BRITISH CAPITALISM; You have two cows. Both are mad.
IRAQI CAPITALISM; Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy.
AUSTRALIAN CAPITALISM; You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
NEW ZEALAND CAPITALISM; You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.
GREEK CAPITALISM; You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks. You eat both of them. The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF. The IMF loans you two cows. You eat both of them. The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk. You are out getting a haircut.
Stirring up trouble in the language war pot
Quebec Premier Philippe Couillard is being criticized for not speaking French in a speech at a recent conference in Iceland.
There are times, especially on the international scene, when speaking English is required to be understood, he said. In the case of the Arctic Circle Assembly in Reykjavik, Iceland last week, where Mr. Couillard spoke in English only, no simultaneous translation was available. The former prime minister of France delivered his remarks in English as did the president of Iceland and a Norwegian minister, Mr. Couillard noted.
“With all due respect, I think my colleague is exaggerating,” Mr. Couillard told the National Assembly in response to a question from Coalition Avenir Québec leader François Legault, who was on the attack, saying the premier “failed to live up to his responsibilities as a representative of the Quebec nation.”
“There are two angles when it comes to language: expression and comprehension. Here’s a little challenge for him; go to the London and New York financial circles and pitch your remarkable economic plan … in French only. Let’s see how that goes. I submit the following hypothesis,” Mr. Couillard said,“when we make important remarks, especially those involving the economic development of Quebec, it’s usually a good thing to make sure everyone understands what we are saying.”
Little Hamster Bartenders Serving Tiny Food And Drinks
Bars are already great places to be, but I’m sure they’d be a whole lot better if the bartenders were hamsters. And that’s exactly the world that Twitter user Kawanabesatou imagines when he comes home from his job as a graveyard caretaker – he photographs his pet hamsters as they tend the tiny bars he’s built for them.
We have no idea why these hamsters spend so much time in bars, but they are surprisingly well-done given their size. There are also bookstores and even a gravestone storefront in the mix as well.
